Dress? check. Shoes? check. Accessories? check. Hairstyle idea? check. Makeup? check.
New Year's Eve 2009.
To say that I struggled with NYE plans this year would be the grossest of understatements.
Every year of my life I've partied.
When I was child my family gathered at my cousins' house. We kids ate, played, danced, dodged our Uncle's rolled up papertowel balls, counted down to Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve and watched the adults get tipsy.
As an adult I have visited various party locations, drunk every available liquid from Manischievitz to homemade "punch", I've eaten pizza, cake, dip, chips, brownies, cheese, meat, olives.... I've danced, I've sung, I've enjoyed great company.
This year I raged a battle in my head:
Head: You should go.
Me: But it's too far!
Head: People are expecting you.
Me: They won't notice!
Head: You like being with friends.
Me: Can't I see them next week?!
Head: You always celebrate the New Year.
Me: Change is good!
Head: People will think you're strange.
Me: They already do!
Head: People will give you funny looks.
Me: I like consistency!
Head: It'll be great once you get there.
Me: It's not the there, it's the getting!
Head: Deep down you love a party.
Me: But up top I don't want to be bothered.
Head: If you don't go, who will help you ring in the New Year?
Me: My subconcious?
All yesterday my responses ranged from the unenthusiastic "sure." to "i don't know" to "what time again?" to "we'll see." to "probably not.", but at 9:45 I laid out my outfit. Black dress, boots, accessories and nail polish. I lined up hair products and makeup and set the flat and curling irons on high.
That evening, coats were checked, outfits admired, hor d'oeuvres sampled and music played. Partygoers danced, kissed cheeks, exchanged hugs and best wishes. Shouts rang out and fireworks lit up the sky.
I slept through it all.
Right on top of the outfit I had so meticulously laid out.
I missed every phone call and every text. I didn't update my facebook status. I forgot to watch the apple drop.
When I woke up at 8am bright-eyed and not hungover, I giggled at my own absurdity. Maybe I am a boring old uninteresting dud. Or maybe, just maybe, the change with which I rung in the New Year, is the beginning of a change in the way I live my life.
Maybe I'll be neater.
Maybe I'll wash my car.
Maybe I'll do more than pause at stop signs.
Maybe I'll be less easily distracted.
Maybe I'll be more normal.
Maybe I'll cover my gray.
Maybe I won't carry a tub of Vaseline in my purse.
Maybe I'll stop forgetting the things I don't want to remember.
Or maybe not.
This morning I decided to go on a 31 day cleansing fast. No meat, no dairy, only veggies, fruit, brown rice and water.
This afternoon I decided to buy ice cream.
So this year I resolve to keep being me. More positive yet still quirky. More focused yet still weird. My deck of cards is still short an ace and my train still stops just outside the station.
And maybe, just maybe, that's okay.
Can you dig it?
I knew that you could.
Happy New Year.
