"Don't ask God to order your steps if you aren't ready to move your feet."
It has been awhile.
The honesty that this post required is what kept me from writing it until now.
Next Monday marks my 5 month California anniversary. To celebrate I am heading to the beach on the preceeding Saturday to stop time for awhile. To think. To pray. To listen. Quiet the noise, laugh, cry and marvel.
During the past five months:
My Car Broke Down.
Well, broke down is kind of harsh. It lost power.
While driving every gauge, light and dial would decide to take a little rest. The radio would stop playing, the cd would spontaneously eject. When it started happening regularly I decided to get it checked out. The prognosis was a loose battery cable. Most likely the result of the condition of the roads while driving across the country, combined with the condition of the roads in LA.
"It's going to cost $175 just for us to lift the hood. I don't know after that... Ms. Willingham, please don't cry."
I Lost My Job.
It seems like everytime I pray earnestly, a big thing happens. Five months ago on a Tuesday night I prayed for guidance and the next day I was moving to LA.
I honestly hadn't felt right since the day I started the job that moved me here.
What in the world was I doing? Had I made a mistake? What would everyone think if I decided to come back home? Will I ever make friends? According to everyone, I'm supposed to be happy. Why aren't I?
When will this gold start to glitter?
And so one night I prayed.
"Lord, I really don't think you brought me all the way out here to be unhappy. And I don't believe that I'm supposed to go home just yet. PLEASE show me something because this isn't working. I trust you. I won't flake out. It's me! I'm ready."
The next day I lost my job.
After I left the building I got in my car, took some deep breaths and wrapped my hand around the cross that hangs from my rearview mirror. "Okay." I said. And I drove off.
My Lettuce Obsession Almost Landed Me on Television.
I decided to pass on my 15 minutes of fame.
I was being considered for a show that would have highlighted my obsession with lettuce. My mom and my friend B willingly let me interview them for the producers. I detailed all of my absurdities about the vegetable I adore on film. But when it came time for the in home interview where I would be filmed eating, I flaked.
Honestly, I was afraid of looking like a complete nutcase.
The other night I was sitting outside talking to a friend. He had a beer, I had a bowl of mixed greens from the farmer's market. It was so good and fresh that I just wanted it plain.
About halfway thru his beer, he stopped drinking to stare at me as I picked through my bowl of greens and said, "I can't believe you're eating that lettuce like it's a bowl of potato chips."
I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.
There's something to be said for having moments like that without a camera in your face.
I Got a Dance Gig.
I danced for my first feature film last weekend. It was a blast. Our choreographer, Mecca Vazie Andrews is a phenomenal talent and one of the nicest most sincere and interesting people you could ever hope to meet. I adored the cast, and production crew. It was one of the best experiences of my life and one that I will always cherish.
I Landed in The Sweat Spot.
After I lost my job, while frantically looking for another, I called a friend who called a friend. A few conversations later I ended up as studio manager at Ryan Heffingtons dance studio, The Sweat Spot.
I love my job. The 12+ hour days. The people who don't quite know what to make of me just yet. The ones who decided to welcome me with open arms anyway. The dance family that I don't quite belong to, but appreciate because they love each other and make me realize how blessed I am to have a dance family of my own. The thoughtfulness of the people I work with warms my heart. I couldn't have asked to be placed in a better environment.
I love my boss, Ryan Heffington. If you don't know about him, get schooled :). http://www.sirheffington.com/ He is one of the three most brilliantly creative minds that I have ever met. The other two being Bubba Carr and Lee Blalock. And he has one of the sweetest souls.
I love Ryan's business partner Kristin. That girl is crazy as hell, and she works hard. We're both business minded and like to get ish done. We get each other and that is so refreshing. And she's nice to boot.
My days are made up of things as mundane as data entry and as thrilling as exchanging text messages with Mia Michaels about rehearsal schedule changes, watching her genius in action and everything in between.
We have classes as small as 2 students and as big as 75. I'm intrigued by the team and the students. They are incredible people. I live for that kind of diversity and talent. The energy of the place greets you at the door and makes you never want to leave.
What's Next?
I'm moving in two weeks. Thanks to a new connection with a dancer I've known for awhile but am just now getting to know, I will have my own room, my own bathroom and my own balcony in North Hollywood. We'll see if I can survive the heat of a summer in the valley!
After this 5 month lifetime, I am beginning to exhale. Just how many more lifetimes I will experience on this journey remains to be seen, but I welcome them.
My steps are being ordered.
I am moving my feet.
