"Kilah...You are a quirky girl!"

Buckle up. Quirky doesn't happen overnight.

The Beginning

The cat was evil and it lived under our house.

We were city kids and the elementary school decided it was a good idea to introduce us to the perks of rural living. So we grew chickens. For weeks we watched our eggs in an incubator until the first little beaks poked through the shells. After a few days we each got one to take home.

I named my chick Cluck-Cluck.

The relationship betweend Cluck-Cluck and I was consistent and predictable. I fed him. He pecked me. I changed his water. He pecked me. I pet him. He pecked me. I squeezed him. He pecked me.

I loved that chicken.

After a few months passed and he had grown from a tiny yellow chick to a 12 inch yellow chick, it was decided that he needed time to run around the backyard. It was fenced. I was 7. And so it was.

One afternoon I came home, looked out the kitchen door and saw that the backyard was covered with yellow feathers. I thought maybe Cluck-Cluck had turned white.

"Grandmommy!" I exclaimed. "I think Cluck-Cluck turned into a rooster!"
"No." my Granny explained, "You know that old cat who lives under the house?
"Yes"
"Well, that bird was running all over that yard back there. He was having a good time! I saw that cat and next thing I knew those feathers were in the yard. That old cat ate your chicken for lunch. Now go on in the dining room and get your lessons."

And so it began.

Oh Be Careful Little Hands What You Touch

Not long after Cluck-Cluck was eaten, 7 year old Ki found a robin's egg under a tree. It was speckled blue. Because she was now an expert at hatching chicks, she knew she could do a much better job than its Mother and so she decided to keep it warm in her pocket until it hatched.

All was right with the world. Until she sat down. With her face frozen in panic and a heart beating so hard that her shirt was trembling, she made the most courageous decision of her 7 year old life.
She would keep the egg in her pocket and pray for a miracle at choir rehearsal. All the Singing Angels gathered on Wednesday nights. Little wide eyed innocents with sweet voices, singing without a care in the world.

Except for one little fallen Angel who, instead of singing, was praying for a miracle while dead bird ran down her leg.

Fast forward 24 years.

I love soft rock, 70's sitcoms, and lettuce. Burt Bacharach can do no wrong and I am Barry Manilow's biggest Fanilow. I collect records and postcards and my CD collection ranges from Annie to Eminem. I'm currently looking for the Sesame Street Live Gold edition.

Lettuce

I love it. I have always loved it. I will always love it. It hasn't always been good to me though. Seven years ago I went on an iceburg binge. I could easily eat two heads in one sitting. I did this everyday for about a month. The result was E-coli.

My love of lettuce left me with an E-coli infection so strong that it took two months and two rounds of antibiotics to keep it at bay. When the kidney specialist was called in for an evaluation, my system must have realized how ridiculous it was being and began to recover.  My doctor made me promise to rid my diet of my beloved iceburg.

No worries. I just switched to romaine.


Eggs

About 5 years ago I developed an addiction to scrambled eggs. I couldn't get enough of their fluffy goodness. For dinner one night, I decided that I wanted to indulge in the biggest bowl of eggs that I had ever eaten, so I scrambled half a dozen.

I got about halfway through the bowl before I nearly puked. I didn't look at another egg for a year.

Lotion

When I apply lotion I only use the palms of my hands. I keep my fingers splayed back, out of harms way.

I am appropriately ashamed.

Implosion

Several months ago I was in the kitchen when I heard a whining squealing sound from my bedroom. I remember thinking, "What in the hell is going on on House Hunters? They must have found a really good one!"

I made my way back to my room to find that my television was imploding. The whining turned to screeching and I stood in the hall running in place hoping that it didn't cause a fire. A few sparks and pops later it was silenced forever.

I was too afraid of aftershocks to go back in my room so I popped open a bottle of champagne, sat on the upstairs landing and toasted the tv's demise by drinking every single drop.

Mazel tov.

Sleep

Apparently when I'm very tired I have a tendency to fall asleep sitting straight up on the bed leaning against the wall, with my eyes open. 

My sister has come home, found me in this position and assumed I was dead on more than one occasion.

Once she said she found me sitting in my bed, remote in hand, with my eyes staring straight at her. So she stood in my door called my name and then threw a shoe at me to make sure I was okay.

Now that's love.

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Thanks for coming by, I hope you've enjoyed the ride. Please release your safetly belt and exit to the left of the vehicle.

Cheers.