Day 30: Purpose.

I took a three day blogging break.

During those three days I filmed a youtube parody music video, hiked Vermont Canyon, enjoyed my first L.A. girls night, ate Chipotle for the first time, caught a cold and lived through the hottest day in L.A. since the 1800s with temps reaching 112 degrees.

I also questioned my purpose.

The question came 3 days ago as I sat at work chewing on recent events. I worked myself into a state of ultimate confusion, stood up and began my pacing back and forth, hands flailing, voice squeaking, end of my wits prayer.

"Lord, what am I doing here? Is this what it's supposed to be? Me here? Really? Why?! I'm not like most of these people. I don't have anything in common with any of them! I don't understand their world! Do I even want to? NO! Not really! I hear conflicting information, I don't know who to trust, I question motives of some and feelings of others. People say things they don't mean and think things they don't say. I'm told stuff about what others think even if they don't actually think it. And You expect me to grow?! In THIS?! Was this move a mistake? Because it sure sometimes feels like it! How do I feel so at home in a place where I see things I never believe existed? Am I ever going to get it?"

Then I exhaled and shook my head at my absurdity.

My friend B has been telling me for nearly three years to live in the moment. To see what's right in front of me and deal with only that, because it is the only thing that matters. And he's right. I tend to get so caught up in what may be that I spend my moments frivolously and, in doing so, color the future in ways that may never have been intended.

So in thanksgiving for the current moments I've been blessed with, I am grateful for:

Long lunches with T.
Warm hugs, smiles and kind words from S.
Belly laughs and pizza, wine & hair parties with M.
Silliness with MK.
A's ear.
R's answers.
Roses from M.
Cookies from A.
Hikes with K.

What a lucky Girl I am to be able to experience the kind of goodness that sustains me as phase after phase of this purpose is revealed.

"Lord, thank you for this journey."

"And I wouldn't change a thing. I'd walk right back through the rain, back to every broken heart on the day that it was breaking. And I'd relive all the years and be thankful for the tears I've cried with every stumbled step that lead to you, and got me Here." -- Jeffrey Steele & Steve Robson